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British Army's New Battle Plan: Mascara
for Morale While Bombs Drop

Original Article

Posted By: VirtuDawg, 3/9/2026 10:59:39 AM

It's saddening what is becoming of the once-Great Britain. While American and Israeli forces are resolving a 47-year-old problem by the suitable application of high explosives, while the United States literally flew into a hostile, totalitarian South American regime in the middle of the night and nabbed their thug-dictator who was wanted by the American justice system, the British Army is debating whether soldiers - male soldiers, mind you - should be allowed to style their hair, and to wear makeup and fingernail polish. No, this isn't a Monty Python sketch. It's real.

Comments:

The British Army will also issue "battle" purses to the troops to swat the enemy to death (s/o). Sir Winston Churchill must be turning over in his grave over this nonsense.

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Reply 1 - Posted by: LC Chihuahua 3/9/2026 11:02:45 AM (No. 2078072)
Decadence on display. When a nation stops defending itself, it does stuff like this.
20 people like this.

Reply 2 - Posted by: Cindiana 3/9/2026 11:12:46 AM (No. 2078076)
I sometimes wonder what the soon-to-be King and Queen think about the condition of their country. That fence around the Palace is penetrable, and their newest "citizens" certainly have little respect or tolerance for the Monarchy.
18 people like this.

Reply 3 - Posted by: Venturer 3/9/2026 11:21:27 AM (No. 2078078)
Britain is done for.
20 people like this.

Reply 4 - Posted by: dbdiva 3/9/2026 11:36:35 AM (No. 2078085)
Maybe the British Army is on to something. When their prissies prance into battle, the opposing army will die laughing ~ no weapons or bullets required. Saves money....cosmetics cost less than weaponry.
12 people like this.

Reply 5 - Posted by: hurricanegirl 3/9/2026 11:52:39 AM (No. 2078095)
And their new battle cry is "(Hiss!) I'm going to scratch your eyes out"!
7 people like this.

Reply 6 - Posted by: Zbogwan2 3/9/2026 12:45:39 PM (No. 2078114)
Old Winton Churchill is probable turning over in his grave at Great Britains cowardness, no doubt!
9 people like this.

Reply 7 - Posted by: Peregrine 3/9/2026 12:50:02 PM (No. 2078117)
It is the sunset for a once great nation that claimed "the sun never set on British soil" Those tremors you hear, are Winston Churchill turning over in his grave.
10 people like this.

Reply 8 - Posted by: Newtsche 3/9/2026 12:56:11 PM (No. 2078125)
Don't forget, Great Britain has nukes.
3 people like this.

Reply 9 - Posted by: FunOne 3/9/2026 1:00:06 PM (No. 2078126)
We really need to take a hard look at NATO--an alliance that is funded by US taxpayers, and is not supported by many member countries that have a formidable military that can contribute anything of value. Most of the 32 member countries could be taken over by a Navy SEAL team. We provide the security--they live the high life of social system extravagance because they know that if the Russian bear threatens, Uncle Sam answers the 911 call.
9 people like this.

Reply 10 - Posted by: cor-vet 3/9/2026 1:46:58 PM (No. 2078158)
How will Britains soon to be muzzie masters feel about the sissy/prissy, gay appearing soy boy soldiers, I wonder.
5 people like this.

Reply 11 - Posted by: downnout 3/9/2026 1:47:43 PM (No. 2078159)
The Python crew would have a ball with this! (Oops! Am I allowed to write that?!?)
2 people like this.

Reply 12 - Posted by: crashnburn 3/9/2026 1:49:14 PM (No. 2078160)
#9. I agree and piggybacking onto your post, if NATO nations aren’t willing to contribute to their defense, are they worth defending? DemoRoids only seem to want to fight wars where the US has no national interest. President Trump is the opposite.
6 people like this.

Reply 13 - Posted by: Catherine 3/9/2026 2:40:07 PM (No. 2078175)
Plus, don't forget the tampons, for men and women, in their backpacks./s This is so sad to see a once great nation fall like this.
5 people like this.

Reply 14 - Posted by: TCloud 3/9/2026 4:49:18 PM (No. 2078216)
Will want to LUV their enemies to death!
2 people like this.

Reply 15 - Posted by: MickTurn 3/9/2026 7:07:10 PM (No. 2078257)
Just announced by the Thug in Charge in Brittan. All Soldiers will once again wear RED...only this time it's the TUTU's that are RED!
2 people like this.

Reply 16 - Posted by: padiva 3/9/2026 7:24:34 PM (No. 2078264)
And every one of them will have PMS. PMS can be a battle-ready strategy or a retreat strategy.
2 people like this.

Reply 17 - Posted by: downnout 3/9/2026 8:47:07 PM (No. 2078288)
I was reading this story to my husband and he wanted to know if it was the Babylon Bee…
1 person likes this.

Reply 18 - Posted by: Ketchuplover 3/9/2026 9:49:18 PM (No. 2078302)
This from a "kingdom" that (to our advantage) 250 years ago thought that dressing their soldiers in bright red uniforms was a good strategy. Why worry about cosmetology now? Their whole military will be dressed in burkas sooner rather than later anyhow.
1 person likes this.

Reply 19 - Posted by: mifla 3/10/2026 6:34:38 AM (No. 2078371)
Trump told these clowns that they were no longer needed. Trump was right.
0 people like this.

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