A Woman's Obituary About Her Dead Mother
Was So Brutal a Newspaper Had to Pull It

Truth or lies? The accuser manages to come off looking worse than the accused. This article is reminiscent of what was written about a recently departed British doctor: "Though he was not immediately likable, those who knew him well detected many sterling qualities."

An ex gf's mom fits that description to a T. Want to be honored? Don't abuse your kids. There's no reason for the daughter to write all that if there was nothing to it.

We have seen this trend in the past few years. It is disgusting to defame the dead, who are completely vulnerable and unable to defend themselves. If you can't address your issues when your parents are alive then keep your mouth shut when they're gone.

Her mother seems to have had five last names. That says something. As #1 says, "The accuser manages to come off looking worse than the accused." That happens a lot, as the accuser is usually very upset, so they come across as unhinged. Back when we had online "bulletin boards", there was a man who lied about his military service, posted derogetory comments about the military, and offered to help other people find info on their deceased vet - for a fee. A real vet got very upset about this, especially as the fake vet was selling information that was public and readily available for free. He ranted about every time the fake vet posted something. Everybody on the bulletin board condemned the real vet for picking on that good soul who just trying to help bereaved families. After a long "eventually", the real story came out. (And the fake vet said some really doofus things. Virtually any real vet knew he was lying.) Since the mother is dead, highly doubtful that anyone will investigate the daughter's allegations. If true, the mother violated another part of the Bible, by forcing her daughter to break God's laws. (It's in Leviticus someplace.) And the implication is there that to be honored, the parents must make an effort to BE honorable.

If the mother was truly that wicked and evil.....well, truth is what it is.

IMO, an obituary is not the appropriate vehicle for this diatribe. If the daughter's allegations are true and she wanted to vent, it would have been better to simply write down her feelings on paper, seal it in an envelope, and keep it in a private place known only to herself.

OP, unfortunately, not all parents deserve honor. I’m not defending this woman’s actions but I understand her anger.

#7: You are absolutely correct. Some parents shouldn't be, but they're there. Gayle Heckman might have been truthful, but what if she wasn't? What if she is just crazy? Same as with most around here, neither my siblings nor I were ever mistreated in any way by our parents. We all know that children are sometimes treated horribly by their parents, and the guilty should be punished to the furthest extent of the law for child abuse. No one should get away with abusing the next generation(s). But, if the mother was guilty, why weren't authorities notified earlier?

When you trash your family you trash yourself...no matter what your parents do.. they are your parents ...if they do you wrong rise up & do better..

Different strokes for different folks. I know a woman she is about75 now. She was raped by her father when she was 12, Now he is of course dead, and has become a saint in her mind.

I'd like to have done that when my mother died. Didn't have the nerve. Pretending to be a grieving daughter. She may have loved me as her child but she did not like me and purposely hurt me for decades. None of her daughters grieved her but my brother did. I think the woman who wrote that obit had the right to do that...

I've known some people who deserve such an obituary. I hope that if I'm ever tasked to write an obituary for such a one, I'll stick with: "I was taught that if I cannot say something good, say nothing at all." And end the obituary right there.

Why did the daughter waste her money to post the obituary?

fta: Well, whatever the case, I hope Ms. Heckman can find some closure if any of this is true. I hope so too. There are many out there who allow their abusive and sometimes monstrous parents to pass into eternity without a disparaging word. Speak no ill of the dead is the rule. I know when people act like that person's abusive parent was some kind of saint, the child left behind just smiles and says thank you. Maybe he or she was a saint to them. I hope so. I am glad someone can remember them well without that horrible twinge of fear or even hatred. As a kid, you do your best to remember the good days, the fun days and forget the bad days. But in the end when that parent or even both parents are gone and the record has been written, pulling yourself up and moving on is all on YOU. The healing starts with you. I hope this person learns that lesson or they will never know peace in this world.

Could this be a daughter who was not abused, but had a strict mother with expectations, rules, and consequences? I have heard people say how they were treated like slaves as kids because they had chores or are abused because their cel phones were taken away as as punishment. The abuse, neglect, and cruelty is a matter of perspective and what you make of it.