W and Co. follow the money.
Wednesday, September 26, 2001
Quote of the Day
"And we've found God again."
"There has been no lashing out in blind fury, as predicted
by America's patronising critics in Europe. Nor has a
frightened superpower taken cover behind its continental
walls. Instead of histrionics, we have witnessed old-fashioned
patriotism and steely resolve, reflected in President Bush's
address to Congress. America has shown that it knows how to
rise to a challenge."
Well, I'm crying and I'm keeping my cool,
Charlie Crow - 1997
Okay, that's it. I quit. There is no longer any reward in
crying. Most of us have been crying since around 9 o'clock
on September 11. That first cry, when we saw the plane hit
the first tower, was an Omigod cry. The hand went to the
mouth or chest, the eyes bulged in disbelief. Most of us sat
down after the second attack and reached for the phone or
ran down the office hall desperate to find someone to share
what was happening. Then the for-real crying started. The
crying that came at night was the most satisfying because
if you were alone you could indulge yourself. If you were
with someone you love you had some forgiving company.
The worst crying, the crying that leaves you with air bubbles
and fluid in your inner ear that makes you half-deaf for
days and plants a persistent knot in the chest, is the
public crying. This is the kind you try to stop because you
(a) don't want to look uncool (b) don't want to upset others
or (c) you know if you give in you will be out of control.
Then there is that another kind. The kind of crying that
just pounces on you when they sing God Bless America or the
fourth verse of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The part
about Christ being born among the lilies and transfiguring
you and me. By the time you get to that line you are
blubbering big time.
Most of us haven't cried this much in our lives. And, I for
one, now realize that it is debilitating. It totally
freezes one's focus. It immobilizes one with a sadness that
sits on your chest like a sumo wrestler. It blots out all
other meaningful endeavors and I am going to stop it and
find something else to do.
Some people have made lists of people they have been nasty
to, called them up and asked forgiveness. This is very A.A.
(I don't know which step. It doesn't matter). Some people
have cleaned out closets and thrown away a lot of junk they
will never use in an attempt at control. A simple decision
like "Do I really need to keep the orange polka dot halter
with the Loehmann's tag still on it?" is empowering and
gives one a small feeling of being safe. A tidy nest is
really important and we start up again looking at pictures
of people pulling wheeled suitcases around Battery Park.
Their inaccessible nests are smashed to pieces. Any orange
halter decision has been made for them. It would be covered
with dust and soaked with sewage from broken pipes.
Some people have rented a bunch of movies but it's hard to
concentrate. You start looking for scenes that have some
relevance to our current state of affairs. I rented a
completely innocuous piece of comedy fluff only to have
the opening scene be a bombed building in New York with a
voice over talking about terrorism. The scene meant nothing
to the plot but there it was. The movie was three years old.
Movies are risky. They can start you up again with the
crying.
I once read about the mother of a murdered girl who couldn't
stop baking even though there was no one to eat the stuff:
Toll House cookies, pecan sandies, cinnamon-nut clusters,
oatmeal-date squares and bread, bread, bread. She baked them,
wrapped them, froze them until she had no room left in the
freezer. This seemed like a crazy thing to do but she said
it kept her from crying.
Mayor Giuliani says it's patriotic for us to shop. Have you
tried that? Does anything in any store call out to you? Do
you give a rat's patoot about a new lipstick or blusher
that really won't change your life like you thought it
would before?
Friends helps, family helps, talking helps. Drinking, oddly
doesn't. Neither do relaxing pills. They just lead to more
crying and a sick stomach. One could go to the gym but
invariably you run into someone who is crying and sit with
them rather than working out. New Yorkers who have never
spoken to each other, even though they might live ten feet
apart, now speak. They speak in elevators, in line at the
bank, at the frozen food counter. The most asked question
is "Did you lose anyone?" The answer is often, "Yes" and
that starts the crying all over again.
The only solution is to just stop. Stop crying. Stop it now.
That part is over. Suck it up and soldier on. Shoulders back,
head up. Focus on tomorrow clear eyed and strong.
Look for some heroes. Hang out another, bigger flag. Limit
your TV to important news shows and not all day, repetitive
cable. If something really big happens, you will hear about
it soon enough.
In your heart you know the next phase is fury, a white hot
uncontrollable fury so be patient and don't cry while you
wait for it to come.
In the meantime. Would anyone like a brownie? They are fresh
out of the oven. And, there are more in the freezer.
Lucianne Goldberg
Crying and I'm keeping my cool,
I'm crying and keeping, can't you hear me weeping,
I'm crying and I'm keeping my cool.