Short Cuts

That Great Sucking Sound: Just as we recover from the white noise of Hillary promoting her bought-but-unread book comes the shoulder-sagging news that the Big He (actually, Monica was saying 'creep,' but you know how cheap tape recorders distort) is on deadline for his book. Adam Nagourney at the NYTimes reports that Clinton is torn about traveling to California to try and stick his finger in the dike of the Davis recall because he's on deadline to get the thing in to his publishers and is supposed to be spending August on the Vineyard hard at work.

Moons Over the Recall: One day after we get word that Drudge has nudey pics of Arnold, a former Spy Magazine hack pops a few onto the web. We don't have the link and won't search for it because we don't care. What worries us is the equal time factor. Think about it. Can we take Gary Coleman starkers or Cruz Bustamante in the buff? We've already had porn performer Mary Carey exposing the melons for Mayor Willie Brown during a commercial break at Fox. How soon before Flynt flashes?

The Un-Whiz Kid: Poor John Kerry, he can't catch a break. In Philly campaigning on Monday he ordered a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich (a near holy concoction to locals) but asked for Swiss cheese. No one told him that only Cheese Whiz is acceptable. Here Dana Milbank at the WaPo also informs us that Kerry keeps his fingernails long in order to play his classical guitar music. Somehow, the picture of him gets icked-up by the day. Next we'll find out he moisturizes.

The Marrying Man: The never dull Geraldo Rivera married for the fifth time last Sunday. The bride is his former producer and 28 years old - Wouldn't you think that at 60 with five marriages under his belt, so to speak, the man would have a few chotzkes left. Perhaps he generously left them behind. There's always a shot at another George Foreman grill in this life - Or, perhaps, now that he's gone to Fox, you could send him one of these.

-Your Nearly Never Sentimental LComStaff