Short Cuts

Tutu Without a Clue: The Rev. Desmond Tutu has made a statement that should convince everyone, once and for all, that he is not gay himself nor has the remotest understanding of them. Saying he "doesn't see what all the fuss is about" he cautions his fellow clergymen in the Episcopalian church to solve the problem of homosexual priests by simply practicing celibacy.

Overkill: It seems there are MP5 Heckler and Koch submachine guns in the basement over at the UN. Kofi Annan's bodyguards ride around town with them sticking out the window of his smoked-windowed SUV. It may be a good look upon arriving at "21" for lunch but the administration has demanded they turn them in.

How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth.....is the over-grateful ex-husband. For some reason, Michael Huffington, Arianna's ex-husband, thought he should go on Greta vanSusteren's TV talker last night and dish about his ex-wife. He said a few nice things about her including the fact that he found her "very seductive." "She got me to marry her after only 6 dates," he mused. Considering the fact that he was and is openly gay that's really saying something....we think.

Sieg Hello: Having been the first major media maven to bring up the Auhnold's father's Nazi past didn't seem to bother Katie Couric who, at heart, is just another giggling fan. The New York Post reports that she grinned, smiled, waved and got a kiss from the Terminator at her luncheon banquette as he breezed through the Grill Room yesterday. They also report that the Running Man gave Revlon bigster Ronald Perlman a noogie on his bald head. A noogie! He gives billionaires noogies...at lunch...in front of everybody. Then asks them for money. We like that. He might not win but it sure is fun to see a politician having a ball.

Please Guys, We're Beggin' You: Ann Coulter, the long-tall-Sally of the Kick-Butt Right, tells Cindy Adams (or somebody Cindy knows) that Matt Drudge has nekkid pictures of Schwarzenegger and "he will release them before the election." Zip! Zowie! That ought to stop traffic. Unless he's not the sex he says he is we don't get the point.

-Your Sometimes Befuddled LComStaff