C'est bonjour nouvelles: French voters have swung to the right with a vengeance. We don't know if this will make them easier to bear or the waiters less snotty but we like the sound if it and eagerly await the fallout.

Ramsey Redux? Who can forget the unholy mess of the JonBenet Ramsey fiasco not too long ago. The Salt Lake City case has that Police Department looking more and more like the Denver police in the Ramsey case. Newsweek's reporting that her Uncle Tom's polygraph was "inconclusive." Whatever that means. Looks like a repeat of our Chandra Summer coming up only this time it's a "Smart" one.

Shallow Esophagus: The considerable nonsense being ginned up about the "identity" of Deep Throat can all be neatly put to rest by turning to page 243 of an excellent but widely unread tome entitled "Too Good To Be Forgotten" published by John Wiley & Sons in l998 and written by Woodstein's agent, David Obst. Bottom line? There was no such person. How easy it is to keep a secret when there isn't any. Here's Chuck Colson getting it right on Fox News yesterday and picked up by Jennifer Harper in the Washington Times.

The Flames of Love: A forest worker throws a love letter into a campfire and wipes out a big chunk of Colorado. Even Hollywood would have to stretch for this one.

Late to the Dance: At the risk of being "necklaced" for being unpatriotic we do feel it's a bit Johnny-come-lately for us to be throwing ourselves around over the U.S. performance in the World Cup. American advertisers and uber-jocks have never given soccer any respect. These guys have done it on their own.

Weekend of The Long Knives: At least 23 beautiful people spent the weekend dissing Martha Stewart and hoping her extraordinary career was circling the drain. The New York Times is nearly giddy over a secondary character in this insider trading morality play, Martha's broker, professional social climber Peter Bacanovic. Sunday's society pages had a source calling him, "a walker, but a working walker." Here is the NY Daily News report on Time magazines report. It's all getting so preciously inside.

LDot Notes: As the tallest Ldot staffer, Igor was dispatched to Middle Village, Queens yesterday to see what could be seen of the Gotti farewell festivities. Although a large maroon umbrella blocked most of his view, he was able to see his favorite floral arrangement - - a large, brown dead flower tribute in the shape of the state of Missouri, the site of notorious gangster's death. While bewildered, Igor's usual state of mind, he found this touching. His next assignment? A luncheon tomorrow for Watergate sentimentalist, John "Don't They Rape You In Jail?" Dean where Dean will attempt, desperately, to identify Pat Buchanan as Deep Throat. Details to come.

-Your Monday Morning Ready to Rumble LComStaff