Mob Slobber: Forget that John Gotti died a broken, evil criminal riddled with cancer in a maximum security prison. The New York media is giving him a week long obit fit for a pope . They will be so disappointed if the funeral lacks a prancing riderless horse and a thousand white doves to send him to that great Bada Bing Club in the sky.

Dithering Diarist Detonates: Vanity Fair's Super Snob Dominick Dunne, who has been getting around like flung confetti since the Skakel trial, ripped out his ear piece (always a grand gesture) and stormed off the set when he discovered second stringer Mike Barnicle was to interview him, not Chris Matthews as promised. Don't you just hate when that happens?

Incoherent: Attorney General Ashcroft's suggested new FBI guidelines haven't been floating in the air for more than two news cycles and already the New York Times has come unglued, invoking the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover and going spread-eagle on the front door of every mosque in America.

Exit Blabbing: Steam deprived and clearly weary, Bill Maher will slide quietly away this month and leave us in peace to contemplate what hopefully was the peak of his annoying career. Not so gleeful are we that the brilliant Alan Keyes will join him on the unemployment line. Despite the bad format and timing, Keyes deserves to be seen somewhere more suitable and soon. Filling the hot air void will be (stifle that yawn) a dusted off Pat Buchanan and Bill Press who will wheel their tired Crossfire format over to MSNBC where two of the longest hours in daily TV await. They'll join the line-up with that unlikely duo, Phil Donahue and Jerry Nachman, the Trylon and Perisphere of cable conversation. Long summer coming up. It won't be the heat or the humidity. Here's a peek at Maher's last guests. It seems he made it through with four friends. Amazing.

Inching Along: The Salt Lake City abduction mystery stumbles along with the police releasing a picture of a guy seen by a milkman hours too late. Forget that he saw him at the wrong time. Never mind that he looks nothing like the person described by Elizabeth Smart's little sister. We liked the milkman's reason for being wary of him. "I thought he was trying to steal my milk." Here's an update with more conjecture and speculation.

-Your Generally Skeptical LComStaff