Thursday, January 02, 2003

Wassup? On this quiet morning after the big day before, we are awakening to not very much. Bill Frist, our Super Hero national doc pulls a dazzling roadside rescue on his day off, the first baby of the new year turns out to have two moms and a turkey-baster dad and Reuters says that those infecund U.N. inspectors "pounced" on more possible weapons sites. This group has less pounce to the ounce than Strom Thurmond on a bad day but never mind, it's keeping alive the myth that they are of any use whatsoever.

We Are Confused: As of January 1, we are told, all bags loaded aboard airliners will be checked for explosives thereby adding another layer of hassle to travel. Does this means they weren't checking all bags before? Does this mean we could have been blown to bits up until yesterday? Does this mean all that standing around, taking off our clothes, being patted down by surly guards was all a diversion and a waste of time while ticking Samsonites could have been whizzing past check points? We don't get it.

The Last Shoe: Just about the last person from the Whitewater years is being heard from. Susan MacDougal, she of the closed mouth and the mysterious means of support for herself, her lawyers, her permanent "fiance" and family, has managed to write a book about her 18 months in prison for refusing to 'fess up to Ken Starr. She says she didn't talk because she didn't know anything. Weep for the trees who died.

Trooly Loony Toons: Without a doubt the most annoying story of this incredibly dead two-week holiday news cycle has been that of the cult cloned baby. Here a reporter for the Miami Herald drops into their home base in Coo Coo Land outside of Montreal where female followers pledge to have sex with any and all arriving visitors from outer space. The fact that all news outlets gave these wackos tube room for days says something unpleasant about our media.

Tiny Items That Make Us Smile: The New York Post's Page 6 - too irrelevant today to actually post - lists Monica Lewinsky as one of New York's "eligible babes" with an added tidbit. "Monica Lewinsky, 29. Former White House assistant . . . well, need we say more? Pro: Since moving to New York, she has improved her wardrobe and managed to maintain her dignity while making the rounds on the party circuit. Con: Pronounces the "w" in "Greenwich Village."

-Your Probably Too Picky LComStaff